Theories of Attraction
There are different theories about what attracts us to other people. No single theory has been proven right, but there is a grain of truth in each one. These are some current ideas and theories:
Mere Exposure Theory
This theory suggests that we are attracted to people who we interact with and are repeatedly exposed to, especially if they are pleasant or interesting. This means that the more often we see someone, the more we like them.
Homophily
This term is used to describe the tendency to be attracted to people that are similar to you in education, interests, favorite activities, and socio-economic status.
Matching Phenomenon
This is similar to homophily. It suggests that we tend to pair off with people who match us in intelligence, social skills, and physical attractiveness.
Bryne's law of attraction
Bryne observed that attraction is affected by rewards (or reinforcements) and punishers. When we hang out with people, they can either give us rewards or punishers. People who give us a lot of positive feedback and make us feel good about ourselves are giving us rewards. It is fun and exciting to spend time with them and the rewards strengthen or reinforce our love for them. Some people, however, make us feel bad by putting us down or arguing with us a lot. This creates a punishing environment that is not rewarding or fun to be in. Therefore, Bryne's theory of attraction suggests that we are attracted to those who give us rewards and make us feel good about ourselves. If you have a friend or partner who always makes you feel good, you will want to see them more because you will anticipate the rewards and good feelings. Many times, people we find rewarding to spend time with are people who are similar to us and share views that are similar to ours.
Evolutionary Theory
This theory of attraction takes on a more biological tone. It argues that mating is all about the survival of the fittest, hence people are unconsciously looking for mates who will reproduce the best. Females, therefore, look for strong males with a lot of resources who will be able to provide for their offspring. Males, on the other hand, look for females who appear to be young and fit to ensure their ability to have healthy children. This theory may seem outdated now because modern females aren't dependent on men to provide for them. But we do see this kind of stereotype all around us. There is pressure for males to get good jobs, make lots of money, and become successful, while great importance is placed on a woman's beauty. In the media as well, we often see the older man who is rich and successful paired with a beautiful woman who is much younger than he is.