College Students Can't Get a Date, the Rise of Hook-Up Culture
Kathleen A. Bogle, an assistant professor at LaSalle University, has studied sociology for several years. Recently, she conducted a study with college students on two different campuses in order to find out exactly what is going on with the sexual relationships of young adults. She combined her in depth interviews with previous research to write the book, Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus. Bogle argues that dating is practically nonexistent in colleges today. Students engage in "hooking up" instead. "Hooking up" is a very elusive term, in that the definition really depends on who you are asking. Some say that it is just kissing, while others argue intercourse is usually involved, and still others insist that it includes oral sex. Whatever the definition may be, the sexual acts almost always occur after a night of partying and heavy drinking or drug use.
For those who participate in "hooking up," the starting grounds are normally bars or parties. Young men and women have drinks, socialize, and as the night goes on, tend to begin looking for someone to "hook up" with. Both men and women agree that attraction is the first trigger. Women seem to be attracted to those men who are smart, in a fraternity, or on one of the athletic teams. Men find that a woman's looks are the main trigger to choosing a potential "hook up" partner. The second step in the script is to determine whether or not the feeling is mutual. Students do this mostly by observing nonverbal cues such as eye contact. Normally the attraction combines with liquid courage from the alcohol to form a one on one conversation. If the two find they have things in common, enjoy being around one another, and feel strong chemistry, it signals that they will most likely "hook up." The decision is usually not specifically verbalized, rather inferred and hinted at.
In our culture there is a strong taboo against public displays of affection, leaving those who want to pursue more intimate relations the dilemma of where to go. They want to find a private location to further their sexual activities, and normally end up leaving the party or bar to go to one of the person's apartment or dorm rooms. What happens behind closed doors is a mystery, as there are huge discrepancies in what is normal for a "hook up." It can be anything from deep kissing, to petting, to oral sex, and even sexual intercourse. How far the pair wants to take their sexual relations depends on personal morals as well as perceptions of what peers are doing.
After a deep connection and a heated "hook up," many say that things are awkward with the person afterward. Others claim that the sexual encounters sometimes continue, but only on the weekends and while under the influence. Students may not even talk at all throughout the week, but call or text one another after drinking on a Friday or Saturday night. Quite a few students say that after the initial "hook up," they do not ever speak to the person again. Sometimes, the couple will start "hanging out" and spending time together which equates to the "talking" phase. This is a state of limbo between a "hook up" and a committed monogamous relationship. The two are not specifically committed, but clearly enjoy one another, are sexually attracted, and spend a solid amount of time together.
Those students who do not wish to partake in the "hook up" lifestyle do not really have a lot of other options. A significant number of men say they enjoy being with various women because they argue that college is a time for having fun and "playing the field," not for settling down. The environment on campus also has a major impact on why "hooking up" is so prevalent. Dormitories and apartments are normally very close to parties, which makes walking to a potential sexual partner's house seem safer and more convenient.
There is an enormous double standard between men and women when it comes to their sexual promiscuity. College men who have many "hook up" partners may be called a "man whore" or a "player," but only in good fun as a joke. However, a woman's reputation can fall fast if she fools around with too many people. If one was to "hook up" with several men who were all fraternity brothers or good friends, she can be viewed as dirty or "tainted goods." This puts females in a strange position of feeling pressured to have sexual relations, while at the same time trying to stay somewhat pure in order to avoid a bad name. Many girls say they cave in to pressure and "hook up" with men they are romantically interested in, hoping it will develop into a relationship. They will repeatedly "hook up," thinking that eventually he will be interested in dating her, but it seems to end in disappointment a majority of the time.
According to Bogle's interviews and other research, life after college reverts back to the traditional dating styles. As people mature and enter the real world, they begin searching for solid relationships that will hopefully end in marriage. Young alumni still primarily meet people in bars or parties, but instead of "hooking up," they exchange numbers and plan dates. It begins to take time before two people are sexually intimate, as they try to get to know one another before moving to that level. The environment is much different then a college campus, and there are significantly different standards. Although college may be a difficult time for those who enjoy traditional dating roles, graduation opens the doors to a whole new world of relationships. "Hook ups" may be the primary form of relationships on college campuses, but steady relationships come back as the frontrunner once alumni enter the "real world."
References:
Bogle, Kathleen. Hooking Up: Sex, Dating, and Relationships on College Campuses. New York: New York University Press, 2008.