Finding a Queer Boyfriend or Girlfriend
It can be a long and arduous journey for any person trying to find a partner with whom to spend the rest of his or her life. If you happen to be queer, your potential dating pool is limited to roughly 5 percent of the population – a potentially terrifying statistic! Luckily, there are several ways to meet other LGBTQI (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning/queer and intersex) people. While each option has its pros and cons, there is no reason why queer people should feel like they will never be able to find true love.
Online
Numerous websites allow internet users to search through thousands of online-profiles in order to find out about potential dating partners. Examples of sites that are dedicated to connecting users on an intimate level include okcupid.com and match.com, which are open to straight individuals, lesbians and gay men. Queer men can also check out dlist.com, realjock.com and xy.com; and lesbians can try pinksofa.com and curvepersonals.com. Users on such sites create profiles, possibly with pictures, and can post their tastes in movies and music, what hobbies they are interested in, as well as their educational backgrounds and where they are from. These profiles are usually only visible to other site-users, in order to prevent private information from being widely accessible, and are password-protected to prevent outside individuals from assuming other people's online identities.
Pros:
Websites offer the unique opportunity to meet people before actually sitting down with them in real life. You can look at the profiles of other users in order to find someone who shares your tastes in musical artists, books, movies or other interests, and many sites allow users to limit their searches for people in their local community.
Cons:
Unfortunately, it is quite easy to post a fake picture, or put up false information on a website. Online conversations allow a person to choose carefully how they come across, and as a result, it is difficult to know whether the person you are speaking to online actually comes across the same way in person. Some sites also require monthly or annual registration fees. If you are going to go on a date with a person you met online, you should do so in a public place, and it may be advisable to go on a group date with some of your friends to avoid a potentially dangerous situation.
Tip:
Before you actually meet a person face-to-face, it would be a great idea to talk to them using an instant messaging service, where responses are somewhat spontaneous, and a person's true personality can be revealed. While we do not recommend giving out your phone number to strangers you have met online, a phone conversation with an interesting person you have met through a dating site can be another way of getting to know the person before coming together for an actual date.
Support Groups
Many schools and communities, as well as organizations such as PFLAG, provide support groups for LGBTQI individuals. While some are strictly for gay men, lesbians, youths or adults, they all have some features in common. Support groups provide individuals with a safe setting in which they can share their feelings, discuss their problems (both relating to their sexual orientation and not), and meet other people with whom they have something in common. Support groups vary in size, but most tend to consist of no more than 20 or so people. They may also put on events such as potlucks or movie nights.
Pros:
Support groups are a fantastic way to meet many queer people in a relaxed setting. They offer a unique opportunity to discuss topics that one may feel uncomfortable bringing up in other situations, and are a safe place to talk about issues affecting the queer community, relationship problems, or other questions of a personal nature. The events that groups host can also be a lot of fun!
Cons:
While support groups may seem like convenient organizations that provide a person with a potential dating pool, many groups actually discourage relationships forming between members. While this may seem like a foolish rule to have, it actually serves a valuable purpose. Many people do not feel like they can open up as much when they are in the presence of an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, and uncomfortable relationships between members can undermine the overall pleasant and positive atmosphere of support groups. Despite such rules, however, many hook-ups and relationships tend to form between group members.
Tip:
Even if the support group you join does not promote relationships between members, groups are a great way to meet new friends, and people with whom you have something in common. It is also possible that a group member will have a queer friend who is right for you!
Gay Pride Events
Gay pride events are held in many major cities around the world, including San Francisco, New York, Berlin, Tokyo, Bangkok and Athens. Many individuals from nearby regions come to pride events in order to meet other gay people, listen to live-bands, eat exciting foods, and participate in parades with floats and festive marchers. Many pride events have booths set up that sell queer-friendly merchandise, such as shirts and flags, while some vendors sell pornographic materials and sex toys. In the evening, many parade-goers flock to nightclubs to dance, drink and socialize; and celebrations often last late into the night. At some events, celebrities or politicians may make speeches, or show their support for the queer community.
Pros:
Pride events can be a lot of fun, especially for those who like meeting new people, dancing, and going to clubs. Going with friends can make celebrations even more enjoyable, and there are always new sights to see. Even better, many pride events are free, while some may charge a small free to guests who want to enter dancing areas.
Cons:
While going to pride can be an incredibly fun experience, it is not necessarily the best way to meet new people to date. Because people often visit events from afar, finding someone who lives nearby can be difficult. There are also many individuals who visit pride celebrations in search of random sexual partners, and it can be hard to distinguish such people from potential dating partners. Alcohol also is found throughout pride events, and it is commonly known to make people more likely to engage in activities that may be dangerous or unsafe.
Tip:
As previously mentioned, pride events are often best enjoyed in the company of friends, so that even if you do not find Mr. or Mrs. Right, you still have people to enjoy the celebration with. In addition, if you consider yourself somewhat conservative, or object to public nudity or the sale of sex toys, pride events may not be right for you.
Gay Bars and Clubs
There are many bars and clubs that cater to a primarily gay clientele, as well as those that have special nights of the week in which they have "gay nights" aimed at attracting gay and lesbian customers. Clubs, as well as bars, to a lesser extent, often have spaces open for dancing, loud music, and either extremely bright or extraordinarily dim lighting. Some bars and clubs tend to attract more customers than others, although this is not necessarily a reliable indicator of their quality. You can usually find more gay bars and clubs in larger cities with "gay districts," such as San Francisco, San Diego and New York. Many gay bars and clubs, while open to both lesbians and gay men, primarily attract either one or the other, or have events such as "ladies night."
Pros:
It can be a lot of fun to dance with other people, listen to loud music, and drink alcoholic beverages with silly names. Because there are not usually many gay bars or clubs, they tend to attract a wide-variety of gay people from nearby areas, and there are often people of all ages and backgrounds. A lot of bars and clubs also have special nights where they might feature the music of a particular artist, or have contests, often involving dancing and being goofy in front of on-lookers.
Cons:
Bars and clubs are often linked with drinking alcoholic beverages. Unfortunately, many people, while under the influence, may not always be inclined to make the best choices when they decide who they want spend their evening with. Many patrons of bars and clubs are only looking for an encounter with a new sexual partner, and it can be hard, sober or otherwise, to determine who is looking for someone to date, and who is looking for sex with no strings attached. Younger bar or club patrons may also find that they attract the attentions of older individuals, which can be an unpleasant experience. The loud music of bars also makes having a good conversation somewhat difficult.
Tip:
Going with friends to a queer-friendly club or bar can be a lot of fun, even if you do not find that special someone. They can also help provide support, and help prevent bad decision-making.
Queer Studies Courses
Many universities offer queer studies courses, often under the LGBTQI minor or Women's Studies major. Such courses cover a variety of topics, including the representation of queers in the media, legal issues, the history of gay rights, and how homosexuality and bisexuality are perceived in various cultures around the world. While classes vary in structure, they provide a place where queer students can learn about matters that are important to them. Readings are often engaging, and many queer studies courses involve active participation and discussion.
Pros:
Classes in general are a great way to meet friends and potential dating partners, and the great thing about queer studies classes is that, in most cases, a large number of students are themselves queer! The classes in the queer studies field are often incredibly interesting, and instructors are knowledgeable about important events and individuals in the history of gay rights. Queer studies classes cover a myriad of topics, including sexuality and gender theory, as well as politics and literature. Students taking classes in the field also tend to be open to those of different backgrounds and upbringings
Cons:
A majority of students in many queer studies classes tend to be female, which can be a disappointment for gay men. Many students may also be straight, which may make it difficult to find someone to date.
Tip:
Start a study group, and be sure to invite the classmate you are interested in! Reviewing test materials and readings with others is not only a great way to boost your grades, but also allows you to get to know other classmates, and helps build future friendships and relationships.