Inadequate Lubrication
Jill is 30 years old and is happily married to Steve. She has a loving relationship with her husband and feels that they are very close. However, she is becoming increasingly frustrated with herself because she is never aroused enough to have sex with him comfortably without additional help from a lubricant of some sort. She wants to be able to show him how much she likes his touch and how excited it makes her simply from her response alone. Sometimes she wonders if something is wrong with her. She tries to think about any other factors that may be causing this problem for her; she doesn't drink and she can't think of any other medications that she takes that would have negative consequences to her sex life. The worry and preoccupation she feels about it makes intimate acts with Steve more of a burden than a fun way of showing how much she cares for him.Jill has a relatively common problem that bothers many women. It is called inadequate lubrication, and approximately 20% of women have reported experiencing this problem. Jill is not alone in her frustration.
Inadequate lubrication is sometimes linked with anxiety and distress about sexual activities, and it results from psychological problems, drug abuse or as a side effect of various medications.
Jill's natural solution to her problem was to use a lubricant-such as KY jelly or Astroglide- to help with penile/vaginal penetration (when the penis enters the vagina). This is a good solution. It's the quickest and easiest way to resolve an uncomfortable situation.
Inadequate lubrication can sometimes be traced to aversive past experiences. Some women have histories of sexual abuse, rape, molestation and other events in their life that may cause them to have negative responses to sexual contact. Jill didn't report such a history, but it would be a good topic to explore in searching for possible causes for her problem. If she had reported such experiences, counseling and therapy might be useful for helping her deal with her past.
Another possible cause of inadequate lubrication is conflict between the woman and her sexual partner. Sometimes women have feelings of resentment, anger, or even fears about sexual performance even though they may love their partner deeply- the way Jill appears to love Steve. Unresolved disputes can cause sexual difficulties, clinical depression, and negative feelings about herself or her body, which can interfere with sexual arousal. It is important to know that arousal difficulties can also be associated with diabetes, scleroderma, kidney disease, and hypertension. In such instances, a medical doctor may be able to help resolve the arousal problem.
In many cases, communication between partners is the best treatment for arousal disorder. Talking allows the woman to express her fears about sexual contact, performance anxiety, and any possible feelings of anger; and her partner can offer warmth, understanding and reassurance. The two people can also discuss ways that would make her more comfortable and relaxed when first going to bed. Many people find that sensate focus is a wonderful was to create arousal and lubrication before beginning sexual interactions.
The most important thing to remind women with inadequate lubrication or arousal disorder is to not fake sexual arousal and gratification. Faking only magnifies the problem, creating feelings of resentment and views that sex is a "chore"- similar to the feelings that Jill expressed. Nothing is solved, and the difficulties do NOT simply go away.
Finally, it is good to point out that a woman can still have a normal and healthy sex life- even if she continues to have problems with lubrication. If she acknowledges that her problem is common and decides to use lubricants, she will hopefully be able to let go and enjoy the pleasurable sensations of sexuality. When done without blame and fear, sex with a considerate partner is a fun and pleasurable activity, even if the vagina does not lubricate itself. My personal suggestion is to invest in several different kinds of lubricants so that you can find one that feels best and most natural to you. Try experimenting with different ways of applying the lubricant with your partner, so that the application process doesn't throw off the rhythm of your love play. Finally, oral sex might be a nice addition to foreplay because saliva can be an excellent lubricant. In other words, make the best of your situation and enjoy the relationship that you have with your partner to the fullest.