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Psychological Scotoma

At first, people who are being cheated on may not want to look at the facts and see what is really going on, because they fear (unconsciously) that it will be constantly in their face. The pathological tolerance of unfaithful acts is called "psychological scotoma" or blindness (Pines, 1998: 46). Often, the person whose partner is unfaithful is neither able to notice nor able to correctly interpret situations that are obvious jealousy triggers to virtually everyone else. The husband whose wife sleeps around with half the town and who doesn't suspect a thing is a perfect example of someone suffering from psychological scotoma. However, when the jealous individual comes to terms with the infidelity, the jealousy reaction can be extreme. Jealous hatred may cloud reason and the lead to irrational actions (Baumgart, 1990: 27). The jealous person may reproach the rival either in imagination, or in real face-to-face encounters.

Jealousy as Addiction

Jealousy can become somewhat of an addiction: The victim feels the constant need to mention the infidelity to friends and therapists, with the goal of confirming that their irrational reactions are justified (Baumgart, 1990: 28). These actions are often illogical and can range from constantly thinking about and imagining romantic or sexual acts to making threats or aggressive attacks at the two other people involved. Like an addict speaking of their drug, the jealous person talks about his/her partner affectionately as something he "cannot do without" (Baumgart, 1990: 28). Also, like most severe addictions, murder and suicide can be the final result of an overwhelming case of jealousy.

However, some men and women who are on the brunt end of unfaithfulness handle the situation a bit differently. In some cases, the victim will "forgive" the cheater in words, but refuse sex or other intimate moments with the unfaithful person (Baumgart, 1990: 53), while others will continue to live with the person but on a "probationary" period. Another way couples deal with this issue is to separate for a period of time, allowing the two to individually sort out what might be the root of the problem. Finally, some people choose to use professional therapy in an attempt to resolve the feelings of jealousy, since these are often difficult to overcome.

Therapy

If a couple decides to attempt therapy, they may seek counselors who use "systems theory" approach, which focuses of present social networks, far more than childhood experiences (Pines, 1998: 67). According to the systems approach, the feelings of the man directly affect the feeling of the woman and vice-versa. If he withdraws, she may come in closer, causing him to withdraw further. If she withdraws, he may want to get closer. Therefore, the goal of this therapy is for the entire social system to change toward a happier balance (Pines, 1998: 68).

Sexual Unfaithfulness / Infidelity

Unfortunately, it takes years to build a trusting, faithful relationship, while it can take only a few moments to destroy it. Sometimes sexual unfaithfulness is "accidental" rather than a planned event. It is common for these moments of infidelity to be isolated events, in which the "cheater" has no real emotional attachment to the third person involved. The unfaithfulness may be triggered by one person's boredom with the current relationship, desire to be assured they are still sexually attractive, or unhappiness with their partner.

However, sexual unfaithfulness is not the only type of infidelity that leads to tremendous jealousy: Emotional jealousy is just as prevalent, and just as damaging. If people suspect their partner is emotionally involved with another person, they can feel a strong sense of jealousy. In the man's case, he often feels that his "territory" is being violated and questions his manliness and ability to keep his girl friend or spouse. A woman who is vulnerable to the threat of an emotional infidelity finds herself questioning her worth as a woman, girlfriend or wife and wonders what the other woman has that she doesn't.

There have been many attempts to answer the question of where jealousy originates, who is more jealous, and for what reason. Men typically express greater jealousy when their female partner has a sexual affair, women express greater jealousy than men when their partner has an emotional affair (Sheets and Wolfe, 2001: 255, Begley, 1996: 56). The two most debated explanations for these differences are the evolutionary theory and the sociocultural theory.

Evolutionary Theory

Proponents of evolutionary psychology suggest that jealousy stems from "an evolved response to the fitness threats associated with loss of exclusive access to a reproductive partner" (Sheets and Wolfe, 2001: 256). In short, people become jealous if they feel their right to reproduce with their partner is being threatened by someone else. Since reproduction involves men and women in different ways, the "cues that activate jealousy" are likewise different for males and females.

A man's contribution to reproduction is fairly small-only a few healthy sperm. A woman's investment in reproduction is much larger and involves a tremendous amount of time and effort during pregnancy and child rearing (Sheets and Wolfe, 2001: 256). Therefore, a woman is more interested in what the man can provide post-sex, such as providing food and shelter, to ensure the survival of their child. This causes the woman to rely on the man's ability to support her, which may be evidenced by her partner's emotional attachment before and after the sexual encounter. The man however, relies on having "exclusive sexual access" to the woman, and attempts to ensure that his investment is not wasted on another man (Sheets and Wolfe, 2001: 256). Therefore, it is the man's duty to see that his is the only seed to implant his partner. Psychologist David Buss of the University of Texas, Austin says: "Any man who didn't [do all he could to keep his wife from straying sexually] is not our ancestor" (Begley, 1996: 56). According to evolutionary psychologists, these different attitudes towards sex cause men and women to have different cues making them react differently to a partner's infidelity.

Socio-cultural Theory

On the other hand, the reactions to infidelity using the sociocultural theory depend on gender-specific socialization. There are three main possibilities of socialization that are attributed to the differences in how men and women react to sexual and emotional infidelity. The first is how a person thinks their partner of the opposite gender connects love to sex and sex to love (Begley, 1996: 56). Women often see love as being necessary before sex can take place, so if she is participating in sexual infidelity, she is considered to be both sexually and emotionally unfaithful by her mate (Sheets and Wolfe, 2001: 255, Begley, 1996: 56). With men, however, love is not necessary for sex to take place, and therefore women might not be as disappointed if her partner is sexually unfaithful than if he is emotionally unfaithful.

Discounting

Discounting is the second idea and is based on the double standard allowing men more freedom than women have to engage in extra-relational sex. This theory says that the man is able to maintain both relationships whereas the woman is not able to separate emotional and sexual relationships. The last hypothesis, "cognitive adaptation" states that men are simply more promiscuous than women. Hence, many women gradually come to accept their male partners may be sexually unfaithful.

Jealousy in History

The socio-cultural explanations for the different jealousy responses by men and women are only a small piece of the much larger puzzle of jealousy, which has been analyzed and discussed since before written history. In the Bible, the Law begins saying that God tolerates no other gods and describes him as being so jealous that he will visit the "sins" of the fathers upon the children unto the third or fourth generation (Baumgart, 1990: 82). However, God will be merciful a thousandfold if one loves him and keeps his commandments. Often when theologians (from different centuries) examine God's jealousy, they say, "He is jealous, because he loves," a statement, which implies that all people who love, may become jealous.

Jealousy is also mentioned in ancient Greek epics, such as the Iliad. Although Zeus is thought to be unaffected by jealousy, his wife Hera exemplifies the typical jealous wife. In the Iliad, Zeus may sleep with any woman he chooses, and for the most part he does. Hera knows this, and responds with the aggression typical of a jealous person; she takes out revenge on Aetus, the boy Zeus is suspected of having an affair with. Hera acts on her jealousy and casts a spell on him, turning him into an eagle. In other instances she also turns Zeus' other lovers into bulls and cows (Baumgart, 1990; 95).

In William Shakespeare's infamous tragedy Othello, a literary masterpiece, the issue of jealousy is further examined. However, this case is not in the typical triangular model discussed earlier (Lloyd, 1995: 127-128). The intense jealousy of Othello by Iago enables Iago to warp the mind of Othello so much, that he is driven into a murderous rage.

"O, beware, my lord, of jealousy!
It is the green-ey'd monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on" (Othello, 3.3165-167)

Othello's intense jealousy over the alleged affair of Desdemona leads to the most tragic death of all of the main characters of the play. Although Othello has no absolute proof of her infidelity, jealousy alone is enough to cause his insanity.

Jealousy in the Media

Jealousy has almost always been a popular theme for the media and is prevalent in the plots of television shows, movies and magazine articles. The blockbuster film Titanic which centers around 3 main characters involved in a love triangle, eventually ends in the sinking of the ship. Magazines that are geared toward an all female or male audiences often address the issue of jealousy as well. They give tips on how to overcome jealousy, and even how to make your partner jealous so they appreciate you more. Many television programs like the Jerry Springer Show capitalize on the jealousy (or alleged jealousy) of its guests. Viewers find jealousy an intriguing emotion and are entertained by reactions of people who discover their partner has been unfaithful.

Jealousy is quite common: whether it is in an office setting, school, that dating scene or at home. Jealousy is the root of many difficult dilemmas that couples face together, and it has been around as long as human emotion has existed. Unfortunately, no one can truly trace the source of this overpowering feeling. Although men and women experience jealousy for different reasons and in different ways, it is intrinsically the same emotion in every human being. Jealousy has been examined since the dawn of the written word, and continues to intrigue and mystify audiences today.

Works Cited

• Lloyd, Rosemary. Closer and Closer Apart. Ithaca. Cornell University Press. 1995.
• Hildegard Baumgart. Jealousy: Experiences and Solutions. Chicago. The University of Chicago Press. 1990.
• Sheets, Virgil and Wolfe, Marlow. "Sexual Jealousy in Heterosexuals, Lesbians, and Gays." Sex Roles, Vol. 44, Nos. 5/6, 2001
• Pines, Ayala M. Romantic Jealousy; Causes, symptoms, cures. New York. Routledge. 1998.
• Begley, Sharon. "Infidelifty and the science of cheating". Newsweek, Dec. 30, 1996 v128 n27 p56(4)