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Learning about Sex from the Internet An honors thesis by Reilley G. Van Meter (June 2009) University of California at Santa Barbara

This study examines the role that the Internet plays within the field of sex education, and ask why so many students are turning to the Web for answers about sex. More specifically, it raises two related questions: Why do students go online for information pertaining to sex and relationships? Why do students turn to the Internet instead of seeking help from family, friends, or professionals?

Introduction

"I like the confidentially of the Internet. It’s a quick, reliable resource that’s not only accurate but no one really needs to know that you’re looking at it" (Mark).

The introduction of the Internet has created a whole new way for people to conduct research. Instead of using libraries full of books or speaking with experts, the Internet allows users access to thousands and thousands of websites on numerous topics in just a matter of seconds. Undoubtedly the Internet has drastically changed how we find information, and it is important to see how this venue has affected our knowledge of certain topics. For instance, many have begun to use the Internet to look up information about sex. In fact, Al Cooper notes that sex has become "one of the most commonly searched topics on the Internet" (2002:5). Little research, however, has been done on the reasons why so many are using the Internet to know more about sex.

This thesis examines the role that the Internet plays within the field of sex education, and asks why so many students are turning to the Web for answers about sex. More specifically, this thesis raises two related questions: Why do students go online for information pertaining to sex and relationships? Why do students turn to the Internet instead of seeking help from family, friends, or professionals?

Human sexuality is a huge part of everyday life, and often times young people do not get enough sex education in schools. They thus turn to other sources for information, such as the Internet. Although the Internet is a great resource, it can also lead to dangerous results. While many sex education sites on the Internet are science and fact based, some contain false information that young people could believe as fact. Furthermore, some people might be incorrectly diagnosing themselves instead of seeking help from a professional. This could be detrimental not only to their physical health (because they might have a disease they do not know about) but also to their mental health (because they could become convinced they have a disease when, in actuality, they do not). It is important to see how and why students are turning to the Internet for more information about sex so that we can provide a more healthful and safe alternative.

In this study I hypothesize that students use the Internet because of the anonymity the Internet provides. Our friends, family, and schools teach us about sex, but many of these sources also seem to suggest that sex is taboo and should be somewhat private, or at least not openly discussed. As agents of socialization, school, friends, and parents teach students that certain topics (like contraception) should not be taught or discussed and that questions about sexual topics should be avoided. It is the case that students are using the Internet to supplement the lack of sex education from family, friends, and schools. We need to find out what the motives are that lead young people to rely on this source.

Background

Sex Education

The 1890s-1920s

Prior to the twentieth century, most Americans did not receive sex education in a school or formalized setting. Most of the information people received about sex came from family or friends and was passed down with heavy moral judgments that condemned sex before or outside of marriage. At the beginning of the twentieth century, however, the movement for sex education began and was headed, in large part, by physicians. Many doctors had noted how Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) were becoming increasingly common and led to many health problems, such as pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), sterility, and even insanity. Physicians saw this rise of STIs as a result of what they considered to be the immoral lifestyle led by many Americans in large urban areas and they took it upon themselves to spread information and warn people of the dangers they were encountering. One such physician, Prince Morrow, along with a woman named Anna Spencer, founded a group called the American Social Hygiene Association (ASHA), whose goal was to improve both the moral and medical lives of people through reform recommendations. Morrow believed that physicians should be concerned not only with the spread of STIs, but also with the moral corruption of urban living, which he believed was the real reason behind this spread. He also believed that responsible sex education could cure this spread. ASHA began its work by advocating for police crackdowns on prostitution, as well as by presenting sex education to adults through various lecture series. Shortly after its foundation, ASHA reformers also began advocating for sex education in high school so that youth would be taught about the medical risks of leading an “immoral” lifestyle and would not have to wait until adulthood to learn about them (Moran 2000).

In 1913, Chicago was the first large city to implement sex education programs in public schools. This implementation was met with immediate resistance from the Catholic Church, which claimed that teaching students about sex would undoubtedly corrupt them and lead them down an immoral path. There was so much debate around the decision to include sex education in Chicago schools that the superintendent and sponsor of the sex education program eventually resigned, and this period of Chicago’s history came to be known as the Chicago Controversy (Moran 2000).

The year 1915 marked the beginning of government involvement with sex education. During World War I, the Chamberlain-Kahn Act allocated funds to teach American soldiers about several STIs, such as gonorrhea and syphilis, which were two of the more common STIs at the time. ASHA took some of the materials that the government had created for the Chamberlain-Kahn Act and circulated them in those public schools that taught sex education. Most of the material taught in these schools was meant to deter boys and girls from having sex until marriage by including frightening images and statements. This tactic worked so well that some instructors of sex education worried that females might never marry because they had been taught that every man with whom they came into contact could infect them with syphilis (Moran 2000).

At this time Margaret Sanger also began her work on sex education. In 1915 she wrote a series of articles called “What Every Girl Should Know” that were published in her newspaper. These articles were meant to teach women the basics of different birth control methods during a time in which contraceptive information was highly suppressed by the church. Later, in 1921, she founded the American Birth Control League, which was meant to spread information and services about birth control to the American public. Today, the American Birth Control League is known as Planned Parenthood (Steinem 1998).

The 1960s and 1970s

Sex education continued along a similar vein until the 1960s and 1970s, when the “sexual revolution” soared. Incidences of STIs and sex and pregnancy before marriage were becoming increasingly common and led some to see sex education in a new light.

During this time there were two different views on sex education that competed with one another. The first was a more traditional view, which held that sexuality was wrong outside of marriage. Proponents of this perspective supported abstinence-only sex education or no sex education at all. They believed that sex outside of marriage was always wrong, and that children should be taught to agree that any sex outside of marriage was wrong. Main advocates of this way of thinking were various groups such as the Christian Church (Scales 1981).

The more progressive view was that sex could be pleasurable and an important aspect of human life. The main organized group that supported this ideology was the Sexuality Information Education Council of the United States (SIECUS), founded in 1964. Proponents of this view supported a more comprehensive “sexuality education” in schools, which covered more than just abstinence (Balanko 2002). The “sexuality education” approach believed it was important to teach about sex in a “value-neutral manner” that would allow students to make their own informed decisions about sex. Sexuality education also included many topics that had previously gone unmentioned, such as birth control, pregnancy, gender roles and even homosexuality (Moran 2000). Another goal of sexuality education was to foster open communication about sex, so that educators allowed students to acknowledge the desire to “know, ask, and learn about being sexual” (Fields 2008:173).

In the 1970s, schools shifted towards a more progressive approach concerning sex education. They covered more topics and used a more “sex-positive perspective” (Balanko 2002) in which students were taught about sex without emphasizing its negative implications. Also, prior to the 1970s, many women were largely ignored by sex education. They were taught that men were very sexual and that women should avoid their advances. Later in the 1970s women were seen more as “sexual subjects as opposed to sexual objects” (Balanko 2002). This was a shift in the mindset, as prior to this time women were not seen as sexual beings.

The 1980s-1990s

Though many groups protested against sexuality education, the HIV/AIDS epidemic in the 1980s gave sex educators another reason to further their cause. In 1990 the United States mandated that every school have at least AIDS education, which sometimes also accompanied sex education (Moran 2000). However, opponents of sex education found a new way to argue against this trend. Instead of opposing all sex education, members of the religious New Right succeeded in replacing sex education with “abstinence-only” education. Many in favor of abstinence-only education held that “sex educators were endorsing premarital sex when they provided contraceptive information” and they deemed all such information unnecessary (Balanko 2002). Sex education in schools then taught that abstinence was the only correct moral choice and left out all information concerning other topics such as contraception. The Welfare Reform Act of 1996 funded many of these abstinence education programs, with much of the content being similar to that of the past; included heavy moral standards and omitted information about areas such as birth control (Guttmacher Institute 2006).

The 2000s

Today there remains controversy concerning sex education in the United States. The Bush administration made its own stance very clear-federal programs would only allocate funding to abstinence-only education. In 2006 the government spent 176 million dollars on these abstinence-only education programs, but allocated zero funding for abstinence-plus education or comprehensive sex education. In fact, in 2004 thirty states had abstinence-only policies, eight states required that abstinence be taught, and twenty-two others require that schools emphasize abstinence (Kaiser Family Foundation 2004). This is interesting data, especially when considering that in a poll done by NPR, the Kaiser Family Foundation, and Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government found that only 15% of Americans believe in abstinence-only sex education, with the rest believing that abstinence-plus or comprehensive sex education should be taught in schools (Kaiser Family Foundation 2003).

Some states, such as California, Maine, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania, have rejected the federal funding provided for abstinence-only sex education. These states turned down the funding because they “object to government assuming responsibility for establishing sexual standards” (Fields 2008). However, forty-six states still accept this funding and create programs accordingly (Fields 2008).

Although most states have various laws concerning what can and cannot be taught, the “specific content of the curriculum is often left to local school districts or individual schools” (Kaiser Family Foundation 2002). With the schools and communities left to decide what is taught, the debate between abstinence-only and comprehensive sex education is very important. Advocates for abstinence-only education argue “against any discussion or education about contraception and safer sex, asserting that...[it is] encouraging sexual activity” (Kaiser Family Foundation 2002).

With the government funding abstinence-only education and state laws leaving much of the decision up to the schools themselves, it is unclear what direction sex education will take in the upcoming years. What is evident, however, is that the debate over sex education will continue into the future with no clear end in sight. In addition, one new element that has emerged lately which might change the way we think about sex education and education more generally: the Internet.

The Internet

The Internet can be defined as “a network of networks, joining many government, university and private computers together and providing an infrastructure for the use of E-mail, bulletin boards, file archives, hypertext documents, databases and other computational resources” (Slater 2002). In other words, the Internet acts like one large network that connects data from all across the world. The Internet has recently become a significant phenomenon and a new form of communication used by billions of people worldwide (Slater 2002).

The beginnings of the Internet can be traced back to the launching of the first satellite, Sputnik 1. This impressive and landmark scientific achievement by the Soviet Union led President Dwight Eisenhower of the United States to create the Advanced Research Projects Agency, also known as ARPA. The purpose of ARPA was to keep the United States ahead of the Soviet Union and other countries in the technological arms race. ARPA conducted vast amounts of research and had numerous achievements, but is most well known for the creation of the first version of the Internet (Diamond and Bates 1995).

Originally the Internet was intended to allow computers to share information concerning new scientific and military developments. J.C.R. Licklider is credited with coming up with the idea of the Internet while working with ARPA in 1962. He, along with others such as Ivan Sutherland, Bob Taylor, and Lawrence Roberts, created the first version of the Internet (Walt Howe 2007). Roberts had previously learned about a new technology called packet switching. Packet switching is a system in which packets, or messages or parts of messages, are routed to different sites. The team of researchers from ARPA used this idea of packet switching to create a computer known as an Interface Message Processor (IMP), which housed the first form of the Internet. The first version used a network coined ARPANET and was used to transfer information across different university campuses. On October 29, 1969, the first ARPANET connection was made between the University of California, Los Angeles and Stanford University. Soon after, the University of Utah and the University of California, Santa Barbara joined these universities to be the first four sites with some kind of Internet access (Slater 2002).

Soon after its creation ARPANET usage began to soar. Many began to realize the potential this kind of technology had and by 1981 there were 231 users of ARPANET with “a new host being added approximately every twenty days” (Hauben 1998). Besides ARPANET, other packet switching networks emerged. In 1973 Robert Kahn of ARPA and Vinton Cerf of Stanford University created an internet work protocol that allowed many different networks to join together. It was around this time that the word “Internet” came into more popular usage to mean any kind of similar packet switching network.

In 1992 the Internet became readily available for general public usage. The United States government decided to stop spending so much time and resources on a communications technology, and the Internet became commercialized (CenterSpan). Today the Internet is used by billions of people all across the world. It connects 21.9 percent of the world’s population, which is about 1.463 billion people (as of June 2008). As impressive as this may be, by 2010 it is expected that 80 percent of the world’s population will have Internet access (Slater 2002). In the United States alone it is estimated that 167 million people used the Internet in 2001. Of those 167 million people, most used the Internet three times a week and spent over three hours a week on various sites (Cooper 2002). Clearly, Internet usage is a huge part of everyday life for most Americans, and this trend is increasing exponentially.

Literature Review

This literature review aims to shed light on college-age students’ relationship to sex. It covers three areas: socialization and sex, parent-child communication and peer-peer communication about sex, and use of the Internet for educational purposes.

Socialization and Social Learning Theory

Socialization can be defined as “the process by which children and adults learn from others” (Baldwin 2001). It is how we come to know our society’s culture in the form of rules, norms, and expectations. The process of socialization continues throughout a person’s entire lifetime because learning is a lifelong process. People learn from two kinds of socialization, positive and negative. Positive socialization occurs when we learn from rewards; negative learning, in contrast, comes from punishments. For example, if a child is rewarded for good behavior, this would be positive socialization. On the other hand, the parent could punish the child for behaving badly, and this would be negative socialization (Baldwin 2001).

There are several different “agents of socialization,” or groups or people that help us learn our own culture. The main agents of socialization that people encounter are the family, the school, peer groups, and the mass media (Henslin 1999). These different agents teach us the culture of the particular society we live in, such as different rules and norms by which to behave. They also teach us about sex and, perhaps more importantly, they teach us how our society views sex (and in turn how we should all view sex). As Ronny Shtarkshall, John Santelli, and Jennifer Hirsh write:

The way parents teach and interact with their children regarding sexuality influences how children view both their own sexuality and sexuality in general.

Social learning theory also posits that we learn from watching others and then modeling the behavior we see (much like socialization). In the case of sex, through the process of modeling parents teach their children what they think about sexuality and what the children themselves should think about sex. American parents commonly teach children that sex is taboo through negative modeling, such as punishing children (especially female children) for masturbating. Parents also tend to hide their own sexuality in front of children and avoid the topic of sexuality. As Thomas Andre, Rita Frevert, and Dana Schuchmann write, “all of this training is likely to communicate the notion that there is something bad about sexuality” (1989:243). Because children are often given multiple these negative messages concerning sexuality, social learning theory would posit that adolescents are unlikely to talk with parents about sex. Social learning theory would also say that it is hard for parents to “switch gears and provide open communicative information sources during their child’s adolescence” (Andre, Frevert and Schuchmann 1989:243) because when their children were younger parents often tried to hide sexuality. Therefore, when teens come to their parents with questions about sex, the fact that parents are used to hiding sexuality makes it hard for them to become open with their children.

Parent-child communication about sex

Numerous studies show that the process of communication about sex is difficult for both parents and children. Terri Fisher notes that “even in a close, open relationship, sex is often terribly difficult for people to talk about, particularly in a nonsexual relationship such as that between parent and child” (1987:491). Certain studies, such as those done by Davis (1940) and Gadpaille (1970) show that there is an almost universally uncomfortable feeling that parents experience when teaching their children about sex (Lewis 1973). Other studies point to the child feeling uncomfortable as well, which probably stems from the parent’s original discomfort. When Greer Fox and Judith Inazu studied 449 mother-daughter pairs and their communication about sex, they found that “for none of the topics did even half of the daughters say they felt ‘very comfortable’ talking with their mothers” (1980:349).

Dubbe (1965) also studied parent-child communication, but unlike Fox and Inazu (1980) he studied a variety of common subjects instead of topics pertaining solely to sexuality. He found that sexuality was the topic (out of all he surveyed) that adolescents found the most difficult to discuss with their parents (Rozema 1986). Katherine Hutchinson and Teresa Cooney also found that, among their research participants, “nearly half of young women (45%) reported feeling ‘somewhat’ or ‘very’ uncomfortable discussing sexual matters with their parents” (1998:191).

An important issue that defines parent-child communication concerning sex is the kind of information parents give to their children. In 1993 Brock and Jennings studied women currently in their thirties, and asked them to recall their discussions about sex with parents. More than half of the participants said that their parents had told them “nothing about human sexuality when they were growing up” (Hutchinson and Cooney 1998:186). A different study done by Fox and Inazu (1980) looked at teens and their mothers. They found that mothers discussed different topics to varying degrees with their children. Hutchinson and Cooney sum up their findings:

These results are mirrored in a study by Robert Lewis, who found that “90 percent of the girls had received information about menstruation from a parent, only 70 percent were told where babies come from and even fewer (30 percent) were told anything about sexual intercourse by a parent” (1973:165). This shows how children are often only taught about certain sexual issues by their parents, while others issues are rarely discussed.

In other research done by Terri Fisher (1986) parents reported speaking with their children about more sexual topics than their children reported. Researchers posit that this discrepancy could be because children were either too young to remember all the sexual topics their parents had discussed, or because their children saw certain kinds of information as a rule or message about sex, and as such did not qualify it as information. Another reason for this discrepancy could be due to the fact that parents felt like they should have discussed more topics with their children and so they just wrote in what seemed to be a more appropriate number of sexual topics.

Another area of research that pertains to parent-child communication about sex looks at communication styles. In his study, Marvin Dubbe (1965) wanted to find out why students do not like to discuss sexual matters with their parents. He surveyed two hundred high school students and asked why they found these kinds of discussions difficult, and discovered that the main reason cited by all of his respondents was fear, followed by nagging and feeling condemned or judged (Dubbe). Rozema (1986) relates this outcome to a concept called a “defensive communication climate,” which was first coined by Jack Gibb (1961). Gibb explains that in a defensive communication climate, people become defensive when they start to feel threatened. In other words, they will begin to shut down or resist the communication. These defensiveness “blocks effective communication” due to feelings of judgment (Gibb 1961:14). In the case of sex, “parents think of sexuality in moral terms and therefore tend to patronize, preach, or even condemn their children when questioned about human sexuality,” which causes a defensive reaction (Rozema 1986:537). In his study of the difference between parent-child and peer-peer communication about sex, Rozema found that the communication climate between parents and children is much more defensive than that of peer-peer communication, and that “communication climate may be a contributing barrier to sex education in the home” (Rozema 1986:536). If parent-child communication makes both the parent and child feel uncomfortable, leaves out important information regarding sexuality, and establishes a defensive communication climate, then young people might feel the need to find different ways to gather answers to their questions about sex.

Peer health education and peer-peer communication about sex

Peers are often cited as a greater source of sex information for students than are parents. In fact, “research as far back as 1915 concluded that peers, not parents served as the single most significant source of sexual information” (Rozema 1986:532). However, little attention has been paid to the reasons why students turn to peers as an alternative to parents. Current research on peer health education, as well as information about peer-peer communication, shows that students usually feel more comfortable and are less afraid of being judged when speaking to peers about sex than they do when speaking with their parents.

Peer health education is currently on the rise. The American College Health Association “listed campus peer educators as one of the 13 most utilized sources of health information for college students” (White, Park, Israel and Cordero 2009). Consequently, peer health education is becoming a larger part of campus life, and students are utilizing this kind of education.

One of the reasons for the expansion of peer health education may be that students feel more comfortable speaking to peers about sex than they do to their parents. In a study on peer-peer communication about sex, Lefkowitz, Boone, and Shearer found that:

Instead of turning to parents, many students are turning to their friends for formal peer health education or casual educational conversations. Many reasons have been cited for this decision to communicate with friends, such as comfort, the value of information, and a feeling of mutual acceptance (or “less defensive” feelings at the very least) (Rozema 1986). These kinds of reasons may also help elucidate why so many students use the Internet for sex information, perhaps even more so than they use their parents or friends.

Using the Internet for Research

Research has been done about Internet usage and the reasons why many people look for information online. Al Cooper in 1997 identified the Internet as a “Triple-A” engine, with the “A’s” being Access, Affordability, and Anonymity, to indicate why the Internet is used over other channels of communication by millions of people (Cooper 2002).

By “access” Cooper means that the Internet is convenient and available to many people from many different locations. “Affordability” is the idea that most of the information on the Internet is free. Other than paying for Internet access, once on the web you are able to find thousands and thousands of pages of information for free. Lastly, “anonymity” means that people believe they can use the Internet (and thus look up information they might otherwise hesitate to look up) without disclosing their identity. People feel free to use the Internet in ways that they would not use other sources because they think they are protected from others learning who they are (Barak, Azy and Fisher, William 2001).

Other Internet researchers have added more “A’s” to Cooper’s original description. King (1999), for example, added “acceptability”. By acceptability he meant that most people view the Internet as a legitimate, or acceptable, source for gathering information. Barak and Fisher sought to add another factor they called “aloneness” (2001). Aloneness meant that most people search for information on the Internet by themselves, and thus are in a private setting that is free from onlookers. The additions of “acceptability” and “aloneness” led Barak and Fisher to label the Internet as a “Penta-A engine” to explain why people find the Internet attractive for gathering information.

Theory

I hypothesize that students are increasingly using the Internet to find answers to questions about sex. Based on past research, I think that one reason why students are using the Internet is because their prior socialization has led them to see sex as a taboo topic.

Numerous studies have shown that parents often socialize children to view sex as “negative” (Andre, Frevert and Schuchmann 1989). Other studies have also shown that parents and children feel uncomfortable when discussing sexual topics (Fisher 1987; Lewis 1973; Fox and Inazu 1980). More often than not, most parent-child dyads acknowledge their own unease discussing these issues. Because sex is often already understood to be taboo, it seems as though this unease is a consequence of these original taboo attitudes.

Because sex is considered taboo, I think that students use the Internet to find answers through a venue that is able to provide anonymity and secrecy. More specifically, using the work done by Al Cooper on the reasons to use the Internet for research, I hypothesize that students use the Internet to find answers on questions about sex because of the Internet’s three specific features: access, affordability, and anonymity (Cooper 2002). Anonymity is particularly relevant here because students have been taught to see sex as a private and sensitive topic. The idea of aloneness added by Barak and Fisher contributes to the success of the Internet as a source of information on sexual topics.

To summarize, I believe that students use the Internet to find answers to questions regarding sex because, due to their prior socialization, they see sex as taboo and prefer to find a venue, such as the Internet, that can provide them with aloneness and anonymity. Out of all the reasons listed for using the Internet, I believe that aloneness and anonymity will prove to be the most prevalent among students who use the Internet. The anonymity of the Internet may allow many to seek answers that they would otherwise be too embarrassed or shy to ask.

Methods

For this research I thought it would be important to interview subjects rather than using a theory in order to have longer and more thorough answers than a survey would allow. I also wanted to be able to observe my subjects when asking questions in order to interpret subtle cues, such as excessive mumbling or coughing, that could indicate an uncomfortable feeling when speaking about sex.

I interviewed ten participants, five females and five males. All participants ranged in age from 20-24 and attended the University of California, Santa Barbara. A few of the interview subjects volunteered after I made announcements about my research in different classes. The others were contacted through email list-serves depending on major. I sent emails to all undergrads in the Sociology department asking for volunteers to participate in a paid hour-long interview on the topic of sex education. Each subject was paid ten dollars.

Before conducting each interview I asked the participants to select a place where the interview would be held that would allow them to feel the most comfortable (be it a location on campus, coffee shop, or other). Most did not offer any suggestion, so eight of the ten interviews were done in study rooms at the university library, and two were conducted at a park. The interviews were digitally recorded and transcribed verbatim. Interviewees were assigned code names in order to maintain confidentiality. Interviews averaged forty minutes, with the shortest lasting only twenty-two minutes and the longest lasting fifty-eight minutes.

Questions in the interviews addressed themes of past sex education. Participants were asked to describe their sources for sex education, such as sex education conducted by parents, their schooling, doctors, and friends, as well as how these sources made them feel about sex. Participants were also asked about their Internet usage and whether or not they used the Internet to find information about sex. Lastly, interviewees were asked to describe why they used this particular venue, and where they would currently seek answers if they had questions of a sexual nature.

Analysis

Sex education in the home

“She can’t even say condom, she hates saying condoms to me, she calls them condominiums. I say, ‘No, Mom, they’re called condoms’ and she says ‘No, I hate that word, they’re condominiums’” (Kate).

For all the subjects I interviewed, having a conversation with parents about sex was an uncomfortable experience, sometimes so uncomfortable that the topic was completely avoided. Though experiences and issues differed depending on the individual, all my respondents agreed that they did not like talking with parents about sex or would never even consider speaking with parents about sex.

Lack of information

Several of my respondents reported that they never spoke with their parents about sex and that the topic was avoided up until it seemed too late to discuss. For example, Michael explains: “I’ve never had the birds and bees conversation because I think at a certain point they just assumed I knew.” Vanessa had a similar experience with her mother. She says that her mother “didn’t really talk to me about it, because she knew I already knew, so we never really talked about it.”

Kate describes one experience in which sex might have come up in conversations with her mother: I remember in junior high my mom was talking to her best friend, and I was standing right there and Valerie, my mom’s best friend, looked at my mom and was like “Have you had the talk with Kate?” And my moms says “I don’t know if she knows about it or not” and I said, “Mom, I know all about sex, it’s totally fine.” And then she said, “Oh, then we don’t have to do that then.”

Her mother had no idea if she knew about sex, but when Kate replied that she did, her mother automatically decided that they did not need to have that conversation.

When participants spoke with their parents about sex, they often did not receive enough information because both they and their parents were very uncomfortable speaking about sex. Amber recalls that she felt very confused and uneasy when speaking with her mother about sex: I remember probably when I was like 7 or 8, maybe older, my mom took me out to a movie and to lunch and I didn’t understand why I was getting all this special treatment. She sat me down and said, “Is there anything that you don’t know about that you want to ask about?” Which, looking back, was a stupid question because how do I know to ask about it if I don’t know what it is? But I just said no because I was mortified.

Amber was so uncomfortable that when her mother asked her if she had any questions, she immediately replied no, even though she admits not knowing what sex really was. Amber then explains that her mother was just as embarrassed as she was:

Amber thinks her mom could have had “good knowledge,” but because of their uneasiness with the topic her mother was never able to give her this information.

Vince also notes that he did not like speaking with his parents about sex: “I never really felt comfortable talking with them about sex. I talked maybe a little bit about it with my mom when I was in the 6th grade, but not a whole lot at all.” Many of the interviewees agreed with Vince and can only recall one or two conversations they had with their parents about sex.

Instead of speaking with children about sex, some participants explained that their parents gave them books to read that contained sexual information. For example, Mark recalls his own experience when his parents gave him a book about sex:

Like other participants, Mark knew about sex before his parents approached him in any case.

Adam also did not speak with his parents about sex, and instead was given a book. He says: “I think I was like 12 or 11 or so and they gave me some book, a sex book with all these drawings in it. The book had basic explanations of sex and masturbation and a beginning explanation of women getting their periods and these hand-drawn pictures and stuff.” Adam’s parents did not speak with him about sex either, but chose to give him a book so that he could inform himself.

Messages about sex

Many of the parents who spoke with their children about sex also gave them different messages about sex and sexuality. Amber remembers one particular experience with her mother:

Instead of giving Amber information about sex, her mother told her what she thought would be proper or improper behavior.

Like Amber, others explained that they did not speak about sex besides being told what not to do. Sarah recalls: “The most my mom has ever said to me is ‘If you come home pregnant you are going to be in a lot of trouble.’”

In the case of Vanessa, she was frightened to speak with her mother about a possible pregnancy. They had not spoken about sex until Vanessa felt it was necessary: “My mom was very taboo about those things to be honest. One time I was so scared that I was pregnant so I had to talk to her. I was shocked she didn’t yell at me or throw me on the ground or something.” Vanessa and her mother had never spoken about sex besides her mother telling her to be careful. Therefore, when she was worried that she had become pregnant, Vanessa thought that her mom would be mad, as she had been told not to put herself at risk for an unintended pregnancy.

Even though many of the parents did not speak with their children about sex or give information about ways to avoid pregnancy or STIs, many still thought to warn their children that such actions would lead to consequences.

Sex education in the school

“She said, ‘You have contracted HIV and will soon have AIDS’…I remember at that age thinking wow, I’m going to catch AIDS if I have sex” (Michael).

Though the amount of sex education and topics covered by sex education in the school greatly differed among participants, all ten agreed that their schooling had left out information. Almost all also agreed that their schooling came along with certain ideologies about sex and indoctrinated them into believing that sex was bad and would lead to negative consequences.

Lack of information

Interestingly, many participants could not remember much, or any, of the sex education they had in school (prior to the college level). When asked to describe her sex education, Amber remarked: “I’m sure we did [have sex education], it just, it didn’t make a mark and I can’t even remember.” Vanessa echoed Amber’s response when she answered: “I don’t remember much but I think we learned basic stuff like, I think we learned about STDs, even though I didn’t understand what they were, I was just totally lost, so I think we learned about STDs, and I think we learned about birth control.” Vanessa could not clearly remember what she had learned, and answered what she thought she learned about. She also explains that she did not even understand what she was learning about, so even if she did have some sex education it clearly did not make a lasting impression. Vince was also unable to remember any sex education in his school. He explained: “I don’t remember actually…I don’t remember any real sex education in middle school though. And I don’t really remember in high school either. I don’t think we even had any.” Like Amber and Vanessa, Vince was unable to remember his sex education.

Vanessa went on to elaborate about her lack of sex education: “I just thought, okay, you do it [have sex] for fun, that’s what I assumed sex is for. But to be honest I don’t think I got any education on it.” Because Vanessa did not get formal education on sex in a school setting, she thought sex was only for fun.

Like the parents giving books instead of teaching their children about sex, some participants also explained they were given pamphlets or watched movies as sex education in their schools. Amanda recalls her experience with sex education videos throughout her education:

    In 4th grade we watched some really old video about getting your period, and that ended there. Then in 6th grade we had to watch a birth video, like the miracle of life or something and I had to see either that same video or something just like it again in 8th grade.

On three different occasions Amanda had to learn about sex by watching videos instead of learning from a teacher. Furthermore, the videos she watched all dealt with female issues such as pregnancy and menstruation, leaving out a huge array of other sexual issues. Vanessa was also given a pamphlet from her school instead of formal sex education by a teacher. She notes that the pamphlet contained information “showing girls how to wear pads and really basic general things.”

Students often reported feeling uncomfortable learning about sex in a school setting. Furthermore, many reported that their sex education teachers also seemed uncomfortable, an issue that was brought to light when discussing who taught these classes. A large area of discrepancy arose when students explained who taught their sex education classes. Many students had guest speakers who were not their teachers come in for these lessons. Some students also had teachers from their school teach about sex education, but often times these teachers taught subjects very different from sex education. For example, Amanda explains that her teacher was “also the driving teacher, so I don’t know why he taught it, but he did. Maybe just because he was older, I guess.” Amanda and her friends were confused as to why the school’s driving teacher taught sex education.

Michael’s teacher was the physical education teacher, something he remembers finding odd because the two subjects seemed unconnected. He explains:

    My teacher was very uncomfortable. He was the PE teacher that had to teach the class and whenever I would engage the teacher in conversation, or not even conversation but just contribute my thoughts, he would acknowledge that I had spoken and then continue on with the class. It was never really a discussion, I don’t know if he really even understood the material. I think he was just following a syllabus like a set curriculum.

Michael’s teacher seemed an odd choice to him, and Michael did not think the teacher actually knew what he was teaching. Michael remembers trying to ask the teacher questions and the teacher just ignoring him and seeming very uncomfortable.

Mark also had his sex education taught by a teacher who was in charge of a subject unrelated to sex education. He thought that this was because “it was something that was being pushed off to the end of the year, but it was something he just had to do.” Like many other participants, Mark was unsure of why this particular teacher taught sex education, but he thought it was something the teacher “had to do.” Many of the participants felt their teachers were not appropriate to teach sex education.

Messages about sex

Besides some educational learning about sex, many participants also received messages or beliefs about sex. Most often, students were indoctrinated by their sex education to believe that sex was wrong and would cause consequences.

Sarah explains her sex education at a private school. She was not taught much in her sex education classes, but mainly remembers learning that she would go to hell if she had sex before marriage. Sarah elaborates on messages her teachers sent her during Bible classes in her Catholic schooling: We had Bible classes and they would bring up the verses that said God only wants a woman to be with a man after they get married, and only with that man. And then they would say. “See, the Bible says that you are not supposed to have sex before marriage, and if the Bible says it, it must be true. So, you can’t do it [have sex] or else you’re going to go to hell because it is one of the biggest sins you can commit in God’s eyes.”

Not only was Sarah told that she would be punished by going to hell for having sex before marriage, but she was also informed of a myriad of other punishments that could come much sooner. Her class had several guest speakers come and share their stories, such as a teenager who had an abortion and had become severely depressed afterwards, or a struggling teenage mother who told everyone how much she wished she had not had sex. She was also taught that having sex would most likely result in a sexually transmitted infection, as she explains:

    I had a health class that kind of talked about STIs, [sexually transmitted infections] like if you do have sex before you get married you’re probably going to get an STI, because you shouldn’t have sex. It seemed like a form of punishment for having sex before getting married. So that’s what I thought, I thought I don’t want to do that because I’m either going to get an STI or get an abortion.<./ul>

    Instead of receiving actual information that could protect her from harmful side effects of sexual activity, Sarah was told about the numerous punishments she would be faced with if she engaged in sexual activity, from going to hell, to getting pregnant, to getting a sexually transmitted infection.

    Mark had a similar experience with his sex education. His sex education was abstinence-based, meaning that there was no discussion of contraceptive methods. However, Mark explains that he had guest speakers similar to those described by Sarah:

      We had interviews with students who had babies who said how miserable they were and how it ruined their dreams. It was a little discouraging, but at the end of the day I knew they just wanted us to keep our pants on, so I thought that I needed to form my own understanding of sex.

    Mark knew that his teachers were trying to keep him from engaging in sexual activity by having speakers come and share their negative experiences from sex. Like Sarah, he was taught that sex would lead to consequences and that he should not have sex before marriage.

    Adam’s experiences also mirrored those of Sarah and Mark. He explains that his school had an assembly in which a woman came in to speak about the dangers of sexual activity. Not only did she warn them of sexually transmitted infections, which she said students were bound to get if they had sex, but she also refuted the effectiveness of condoms, a contraceptive method. Adam remembers her saying that “condoms don’t really work that well and it’s a whole scam. You shouldn’t have sex at all until you’re married because you don’t want to get an STI.” Adam was told that condoms were not truly effective, and that nothing could protect him against a sexually transmitted infection besides waiting to have sex until marriage.

    In his school, Michael was taught that if he had sex he would get HIV and then AIDS during a class experiment:

      There were like 35 people in the class and we each had a test tube of liquid and a little squirting device. We would go around to other people in the class, and she said to have sex with as many people in class as you want, but remember you’ll be exchanging fluids. So we would go around and squirt liquids back and forth with friends, and then she would go around and drop a catalyst in our tubes. Then she would tell us whether or not we had contracted AIDS from sharing liquids with each other. One person out of 35 had AIDS in the class, and if you had even a hint of color, like mine was clear but with a little red at the bottom, she would say, “Ok, well you have HIV”. She said, “You have contracted HIV and will soon have AIDS”…I remember at that age thinking wow, I’m going to catch AIDS if I have sex.

    Michael’s teacher led this experiment to show all of her students that having sex was bad, and he thinks she intended to teach them having sex would undoubtedly lead to HIV and AIDS.

    Sex education among peers

    “It was always in a joking matter” (Sarah).

    Most interview participants reported feeling more comfortable speaking with friends about sex than with parents, teachers, or doctors. However, many of these discussions were based more around stories or experiences than factual information about sexual topics.

    Lack of information

    Many students explained that instead of sharing technical information or knowledge about sex, they mainly shared stories or experiences with different friends when growing up. Amber remembers that she was one of the first to start engaging in any kind of sexual activity among her group of friends, so they often came to ask her what had happened. She explains:

      My friends took a really long time compared to me to get started. So then most of our conversations were me recalling stuff, which was kind of awkward, but people would come to me for information about what happened.

    Amber and her friends did not discuss facts about sex but instead spoke about her own personal stories. Similarly, Vince explains that he and his friends “shared our experiences throughout our relationship.”

    Others reported that they mainly joked about sex with their friends. Jason and Michael both said that they often joked around about sex. As Michael elaborates: “Everything was a joke, we said things that were very politically incorrect or like not appropriate…we were just like little boys, we joked around and thought everything was so funny especially about sex, sex is a funny topic.” Like Vince and Amber, Jason and Michael shared jokes about sex instead of facts with one another.

    Messages about sex

    Even though many felt comfortable speaking with friends about sex, some remember that their discussions had certain connotations about sex. For example, Amanda recalls her experience with her friends after she lost her virginity:

      I hung out with a lot of Indian girls and they were pretty innocent but I was the first to have sex and they were like “Oh, what’s wrong with you? You’re crazy and ruined your life, you’re going to get pregnant!” I got a lot of backlash for that in high school.

    Amanda’s friends did not think that she had made a good decision by having sex, so when she told them, they immediately informed her of all the negative implications she would have to endure.

    Sex education in the doctor’s office

    “They’re the ultimate abstinence pushers” (Jason).

    Many interview participants reported another source of sex education to be doctors or nurses in a hospital setting. They also noted that speaking with doctors was particularly awkward, and many thought that doctors tried to warn them about the many dangers of sexual activity, even to the point of being judgmental.

    Lack of information

    Even though doctors receive training and often must ask patients about their sexual history, many of the interview participants did not feel comfortable speaking with doctors about sex. For example, Vanessa explains: “It was just awkward in the sense that I’m not used to talking to random people about it.” Even though she knew that she had to answer the doctor’s questions, she felt awkward because she did not have a previous relationship with the doctor.

    Amanda also noted feeling uncomfortable with a doctor when she thought she might have a sexually transmitted infection. She asked her doctor to test her for HIV and other infections, but was shocked by his response: “It kind of scared me because he was so nonchalant about it, like ‘yeah if you get HIV it’s okay because we have good medicine for that now, you’ll be okay.’”

    Messages about sex

    Like the other forms of sex education participants encountered, many thought that their doctors or nurses were trying to push a message about sex and sexual activity. Amanda elaborates on her experience with doctors: “I’ve had doctors say ‘Watch out, you should be careful, you don’t really know what you’re doing.’” Amanda feels that doctors have acted in condescending manner towards her, which she explains made her feel both judged and uncomfortable.

    Kate had a similar experience with a doctor. She explains a time when she felt very sick and went to see a doctor for medicine, and then ended up feeling judged:

      I told the doctor I was feeling really sick and had a fever, and that me and my partner had sex and I didn’t know what was wrong. And she replied, “Well you weren’t that sick if you had sex” and I like just thought, “Oh, I didn’t know I was being judged.”

    Kate had gone to the doctor because she was sick, but the doctor’s response to the fact that she had engaged in sexual intercourse left her feeling criticized.

    Jason is another participant who felt badly after speaking with a doctor about sex. His past experiences have led him to believe that “doctors are all about freaking kids out, like all about how scary sexually transmitted infections are. They’re the ultimate abstinence pushers.” Jason’s experiences with doctors were so negative that instead of going to them with questions he looked elsewhere. He feels that doctors have an agenda and try to scare him about all the negative consequences of sex.

    Sex education on the Internet

    “I use it because it’s anonymous and you’re not talking to a person. You’re talking to a screen and you can read as many sources as you want, get as many different opinions as you want, and no one has to know” (Amber).

    All the students interviewed reported using the Internet to find sexual information. Though the kinds of information students looked up as well as their reasons for using this particular form of research varied, all participants said that they had used the Internet in the past and would continue to use it for sex education in the future.

    Kinds of information researched

    All interview participants had looked up sexual information on the Internet. Interestingly, most reported looking up information about Sexually Transmitted Infections, pregnancy, and birth control, all areas that should be covered by comprehensive sex education. However, a few also reported looking up information on pleasure and how to increase sexual satisfaction, which may or may not have been covered in any kind of sex education in schools.

    The most prevalent topic that students looked up was sexually transmitted infections. For example, Jason notes that he “looks up the symptoms of different STIs all the time.” Amber also recalls that she looked up different sexually transmitted infections in high school when she thought she might have one. Lastly, Amanda went online to find information about HPV after a doctor diagnosed her with this sexually transmitted infection. She explains: “I have used the internet to find information about sex, especially STDs. A year ago I found out I had HPV, so I researched about that a lot.” Even though she had seen a doctor who gave her information about her condition, Amber still went online because she wanted to get more information about this particular sexually transmitted infection.

    Another common topic researched was pregnancy. Amanda looked up articles online about pregnancy symptoms when she “had a pregnancy scare” and thought she might be pregnant. Sarah had a similar experience: I missed my period a few months ago, and I wanted to make sure what my options were. So I went online to look for the Plan B [emergency contraception] option, and I found information and then went to go buy it.

    Like Amanda, Sarah used the Internet to find information on pregnancy when she thought she was pregnant.

    Birth control was another common topic students researched online. For example, Michael explains: “If I have a question about something, like I don’t know a certain type of contraception, then I’ll look it up online and get quick information on it.” Amber and Vanessa also researched information on birth control methods online, especially when they began to use hormonal contraceptives. Amber elaborates: “I’ve been reading online a lot about what that’s doing to me since I’ve been taking the pill, I definitely go online for that.” Vanessa echoes Amber when she explains: “I went online and looked up how does it work, where can I get it, how much does it cost, and that kind of thing.”

    Besides sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy, and birth control, several students also looked up information about how to increase their sexual experiences. Vanessa explains that she learned about the G-spot in a human sexuality course in college, but that she did not quite understand what it was. Therefore, she and her partner decided to look it up online. She says that they “found it was this spot, that’s one and a half inches into the vagina, and learned how to stimulate it.” Mark also used the Internet to learn how to increase pleasure for him and his partners, as he explains:

      I’ve used it for sexual encounters and how I can improve the experience for my partner in bed. I’m always open to learning new things, new pleasure zones, new ways to make things pleasurable basically. So there are a lot of good resources online to improve your own performance and make things better overall when you’re engaging in sex.

    Reasons for using the Internet

    Participants offered several reasons for using the Internet to find sexual information. Most commonly, participants sought to remain anonymous while looking up the information, which made the Internet particularly appealing. Participants also cited the quick and easy access of the Internet as a reason why they went online. Lastly, participants went online in order to normalize their experiences and to hear about people in similar situations.

    Students mostly wanted to be anonymous when they researched information online. Mark explains: I like the fact that those resources can remain confidential. If I’m looking for information on a new sex position or way to give better oral sex, I mean, I wouldn’t want to ask my parents those sort of questions and I guess you get to the point where you don’t really want to ask your guy friends because we’re all supposed to be so experienced at this point in our lives, right? I like the confidentiality of the Internet. It’s a quick, reliable resource that’s not only accurate but no one really needs to know that you’re looking at it.

    Mark wanted to use a source that did not let anybody know what he was researching. Adam and Amber also explained that they used the Internet because it was anonymous, so not only would their research be confidential but would also ensure that they would not face judgment. Adam explains: “The Internet feels a little bit more discreet versus going up and asking a teacher, or your parents. You can find more unbiased information that wasn’t going to have some judgmental attachment to

    Created October 21, 2009