Long Distance Relationships
What a drag when your lover lives in a different city, state, or
even on a different continent! Long-distance couples may include
partnerships where one or both partners are business travelers,
deployed in the military, college students, airline pilots, flight
attendants, traveling salesmen, railroad workers, truckers, professional
athletes, musicians, entertainers, actors, or corporate executives.
In other words, couples who are forced to be away from each other for long
periods of time on a regular basis are often forced into LDRs (long-distance
relationships).
What can one do in such a situation? Is an LDR worth pursuing, or
should couples give up and part ways?
Before Being Separated
In this situation, it is imperative to settle the rules and terms of the relationship before the separation takes place. This is especially true in situations in which one partner may repeatedly be faced with opportunities for infidelity, such as students moving to a college campus or entertainers who attend many parties and social events. Problems can arise if one partner believes that the relationship is casual and open, while the other is making sacrifices and putting effort into a monogamous relationship. Engaging in open and honest communication about the separation, and discussing what each partner wants from the relationship will help to reduce such confusions.
Important Traits for LDR Couples
Trust: For an LDR to survive, trust is essential for both partners. When one partner is not able to reach the other, a lack of trust could easily lead to doubt, suspicion, or paranoia. Because these feelings are not conducive to a satisfying and rewarding relationship, they may lead to a break-up.
Commitment: It is very difficult to put in the necessary effort to make an LDR work when one or both partners are not committed to the endeavor. Because the couple may be separated for long periods of time, the temptation to cheat or be unfaithful may prove too inviting for partners who are not completely committed to each other.
Independence: It is helpful for both parties to be reasonably independent, because they will be without the other for long periods of time. Partners who have their own circle of friends and participate in enjoyable hobbies may fare better than couples who are too dependent on each other for gratification and happiness.
Organization: It is helpful for partners in LDRs to be well organized, so that they can schedule time for the other (on the phone, writing letters, exchanging e-mail, etc.) into their agenda every day.
Tips for Success in a Long Distance Relationship
1. Set up phone dates, and take them as seriously as physical
dates.
Every relationship depends on communication, and LDRs in particular
cannot exist without it. To make these moments truly special, schedule
a routine time to call, and focus entirely on your partner during
the conversation. Eliminate all other distractions, perhaps by putting
yourself in a quiet room with the TV and radio turned off. As this
becomes routine, you'll find yourself looking forward to your time
together - just like in a face-to-face date.
Those who cannot afford to talk every day on the phone have other
options, too. One woman (quoted on www.longdistancecouples.com)
said:
"I made a journal, and wrote to him whenever I felt like telling
him something I was feeling. Then, when we are able to talk, usually
during the weekends when phone rates are less expensive, we give
each other updates and talk about what I've written during the week."
2. Send e-mail and letters.
In the realm of the Internet, here are two sites that might spice up communication between partners in unique and fun ways:
www.virtualkiss.com:
This site allows you to send personalized "kisses" with
a short note to anyone on the world wide web…FREE. They are
fun, romantic, and cute, and it adds a little variety to the conventional
e-mail.www.virtualflowers.com: If you want to send flowers, but find them expensive and impractical, you can send your lover a 'virtual bouquet' from this site. Again, you can add a personal message to any of the assorted arrangements to make it a special sentiment for your partner far away.
3. Surprise your partner with small, personal, and loving gifts.
The key here is not to impress your partner with your purchasing power. Rather, the goal is to remind your partner of your true feelings toward them, and the kind acts that these feelings inspire in you. This does not need to fall into the traditional realm of flowers, jewelry, or candy. Photographs, mixed tapes of favorite songs, or handmade cards are inexpensive and thoughtful gifts. The point is that, with small tokens of your love, you'll deliver more than happy moments in the mail for your partner. You'll also make sure that you are in their thoughts, just as they are in yours.
Creativity
and Originality
The website www.longdistancecouples.com
offers several suggestions to keep spontaneity and originality in
long-distance relationship. Here are some examples:
The Up-Side
Miles of separation from a loved one may allow partners to come
to know each other in ways that close proximity could stifle. Here
are some of the positive aspects of LDRs:
Getting Time Together
When a long-distance couple has the time, money, or availability to see each other again, there are many ways to make it a memorable and special time. It is important that couples focus on each other, so they should try to avoid bringing work home or watching TV. Some may even find it helpful to turn off the phone and keep away from e-mail or other such devices that will distract them from their partner. Giving back rubs, taking a scented bubble bath, reading aloud to each other, cooking a romantic meal, or cuddling together are intimate, inexpensive ways to bond while together.
Websites
http://www.rainbow-connection.org/
www.longdistancecouples.com