Premature Ejaculation
Definitions
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common complaints men – especially younger men – have about their sexuality. A common definition of premature ejaculation is the inability to delay ejaculation until it is mutually desirable by both partners. This is somewhat subjective, and the exact time can vary from a few minutes to hours, depending on whom you ask. How long a man is able to delay orgasm is not really the issue when defining and identifying premature ejaculation. The real question is whether both partners are satisfied by the sexual encounter.
Ejaculation as Part of the Sexual Experience
Since premature ejaculation is a somewhat subjective concept, it is heavily influenced by a person's outlook. There is no defined length of time after or before which an orgasm is labeled as premature or post-mature. The only premature ejaculation is an ejaculation before it is desired. Sexuality and sexual behavior are very fluid, and can vary a lot depending on your goals. If your goal is to have an enjoyable time by your self or with your partner(s) then the entire sexual experience should be your goal, not just the brief moments of orgasm. By focusing on the whole sexual process, you will find that all parts can be very gratifying experiences, with a quick orgasm, a delayed orgasm, or no orgasm at all. They all have their different feelings and can be very enjoyable and gratifying in their own right.
Some people may have the perception that in order for men to please their partners and enjoy their own sexual experience, they should last for long period of time. However, this is one of several myths surrounding male sexual performance and premature ejaculation. There are many other forms of sexual stimulation, such as kissing, oral sex, and manual stimulation, which can be extremely pleasing to both partners and can also extend the variety and length of a sexual experience. Also, another myth about premature ejaculation is that masturbation causes this difficulty. While repeated experience with rushed masturbation can contribute to premature ejaculation, masturbation like that described in the Start-Stop Technique (below) actually teaches better orgasmic control.Orgasmic control, which increases the enjoyment of sex, is very closely tied to the topic of premature ejaculation; and there are several therapies that can help men learn better orgasmic control so they can last longer during sex. First of all, specific sexual positions can be helpful when working with premature ejaculation. Because muscle tension in the legs and pelvic region leads to greater chances of orgasm, any position that requires less muscle tone can help decrease premature ejaculation. Therefore, the woman-on-top (or other-partner-on-top) position is very useful for allowing the man to relax and focus on the feelings of his sexual response. The side-by-side position is also useful, since it requires less muscle tension for the man to perform.
Learning to Control Ejaculation
There are two techniques that can help a man learn ejaculatory control. They both require time and effort, and may be practiced alone or with a partner.
The Start-Stop Technique is a type of male sexual activity that gives men the ability to control the timing of ejaculation and come when they want, either in masturbation or sex with a partner. Learning the start-stop technique involves a series of exercises practiced over many weeks or months that can lead to greater orgasmic control. The basic technique starts with stimulation of the penis until just before the point of orgasm, and at which time a man stops sexual stimulation until arousal is lower. Stimulation is then started again and the process is repeated for 10 or 15 minutes, or any desired length of time until the man goes all the way to orgasm. By concentrating on how you feel leading up to orgasm and stopping before reaching orgasmic inevitability, you can gain greater control over your own orgasmic processes. After you are satisfied with your control at this point, add lubrication and repeat the process.
When this first step is mastered, learn to focus on "subtle adjustments" to control orgasm, instead of "starting" and "stopping." "Subtle adjustments" involve the different levels of pressure, positioning, and internal muscle tensions that speed or slow the sexual response. After you are satisfied with your orgasmic control at this point, have a "quickie" so you can contrast the difference between the two processes and prove to yourself that good orgasmic control is superior to coming too fast.
Finally, the Squeeze Technique is well suited for learning ejaculatory control. The squeeze technique can be used when you feel yourself approaching orgasm and you want to delay it. The method involves to squeeze the penis right below the glans or at the base. Your partner can do this squeeze (not too tightly, of course) until you feel that orgasm has been successfully delayed. This can be repeated as often as you like until you are ready to orgasm. It is important to realize that these techniques are most effective when they are practiced as a process – like taking steps over time towards the desired goal. Consequently, when men use a premature ejaculation technique consistently, and over a long period of time, they gain skill at lasting longer. In addition to these techniques, learning the truth about certain sexual myths can help ease the anxiety and problems related to premature ejaculation.