Premature ejaculation is one of the most common complaints that males−especially those in their younger years−have about their sexuality. A common definition of premature ejaculation is the inability to delay ejaculation until it is mutually desirable by both partners. This definition is somewhat subjective, and the exact moment of desirability can vary from a few minutes to several hours, depending on whom you ask. The duration of time that a male is able to delay his orgasm is not really the issue when defining and identifying premature ejaculation–the real question is whether or not both partners are satisfied by the sexual encounter.
Ejaculation as Part of the Sexual Experience
Since it is a somewhat subjective concept, premature ejaculation is heavily influenced by an individual’s outlook. There is no defined length of time at which an orgasm is labeled as premature or not. Premature ejaculation is simply an ejaculation before it is desired. Sexuality and sexual behavior are very fluid and can vary depending on ones goals. If your goal is to have an enjoyable time by yourself or with your partner(s), then the entire sexual experience should be your focus, not just the brief seconds of orgasm. Focusing on the whole sexual process allows one to discover that all parts of the process can be fulfilling and gratifying experiences, even with a quick orgasm, a delayed orgasm, or no orgasm at all.
Some people may believe that in order for males to please their partners and enjoy their own sexual experience, they should last for long periods of time. This is one of several myths surrounding male sexual performance and premature ejaculation. There are many other forms of sexual stimulation, such as kissing, oral sex, and manual stimulation, which can be extremely pleasurable for both partners and may extend the variety and length of a sexual experience. Another myth about premature ejaculation is that rushed masturbation can cause this difficulty. While repeated experience with rushed masturbation can contribute to premature ejaculation, masturbation, as described in the Start-Stop Technique below, actually teaches better orgasmic control.
Orgasmic control, which can increase the enjoyment of a sexual encounter, is very closely tied to the topic of premature ejaculation. There are several therapies that can help males learn better orgasmic control so that they can last longer during a sexual encounter. Specific sexual positions can be helpful when trying to delay ejaculation. Muscle tension (myotonia) in the legs and pelvic region leads to greater chances of orgasm, so any position that requires less muscle tone can help delay ejaculation. The female-on-top (or other-partner-on-top) position is very useful for allowing the male to relax and focus on the feelings of his sexual response. The side-by-side position is also useful, since it requires less muscle tension for the male to perform.
Learning to Control Ejaculation
There are two techniques that can help a male learn ejaculatory control. They both require time and effort and may be practiced alone or with a partner. The Start-Stop Technique is a type of male sexual activity that gives males the ability to control the timing of ejaculation. Learning the Start-Stop Technique involves a series of exercises practiced over many weeks or months that can lead to greater orgasmic control. The basic technique starts with stimulation of the penis until just before the point of orgasm, and at which time a male stops sexual stimulation stops until arousal has subsided. Stimulation begins again and the process is repeated for 10 to 15 minutes (or for any desired length of time until the male wishes to go all the way to orgasm). Concentrating on how one feels leading up to orgasm and stopping before reaching orgasmic inevitability can allow for greater control over emission and ejaculation. After you are satisfied with your control at this point, add lubrication and repeat the process.
When this first step is mastered, learn to focus on "subtle adjustments" to control orgasm, instead of "starting" and "stopping." Subtle adjustments involve using different levels of pressure, positioning, and internal muscle tensions that speed or slow the sexual response. After you are satisfied with your orgasmic control at this point, have a "quickie" so you can contrast the difference between the two processes and prove to yourself that good orgasmic control is important for an enjoyable sex life.
When this first step is mastered, learn to focus on "subtle adjustments" to control orgasm, instead of "starting" and "stopping." "Subtle adjustments" involve the different levels of pressure, positioning, and internal muscle tensions that speed or slow the sexual response. After you are satisfied with your orgasmic control at this point, have a "quickie" so you can contrast the difference between the two processes and prove to yourself that good orgasmic control is superior to coming too fast.
Finally, the Squeeze-Tease Technique is well suited for learning ejaculatory control. The Squeeze-Tease Technique can be used when you feel yourself approaching orgasm and want to delay it. The method involves squeezing the penis right below the glans or at the base. A partner can do this squeeze (not too tightly, of course) until orgasm has been successfully delayed. This can be repeated as often as you like until you are ready to orgasm. It is important to realize that these techniques are most effective when they are practiced as a process−like taking steps over time towards the desired goal. Consequently, when you use a premature ejaculation technique consistently and over a long period of time, you gain the ability to delay orgasm. In addition to these techniques, dispelling certain sexual myths and learning the truth can help ease the anxiety and problems related to premature ejaculation.
1. LeVay, Simon, Janice I. Baldwin, and John D. Baldwin. Discovering Human Sexuality. Sunderland, MA: Sinauer Associates, 2009. Print.
Last Updated 15 April 2014.