STYLES OF LOVERS
ATTACHMENT THEORY OF LOVE
This theory states that there are three types of lovers:
· SECURE LOVERS- people who find it easy and natural to get close to others. They have no problems opening up, becoming intimate, and making commitments to another person.
·
AVOIDANT
LOVERS- people who feel uncomfortable about
getting close to other people and often avoid these situations.
They also often find it difficult to trust others and to self-disclose.
·
ANXIOUS
AMBIVALENT LOVERS- people who want to get
close to others, but tend to be so anxious about intimacy that they
often scare others away or find that their feelings aren't returned.
This theory suggests that two people really do best if their styles of love match. When both people are secure lovers they have the best chance of having a lasting relationship. Mismatches often cause problems, for example, if a secure lover is in a relationship with an avoidant lover, things may not work out very well because the secure lover will want to get closer and the avoidant lover will want to keep a distance. Of course this is just one of many theories and should not be taken as the only explanation of how relationships work. In some situations, a secure lover might be able to teach an avoidant lover to feel more comfortable about getting close to others and building trust, love, and intimacy.