Talking Things Out
Communication is extremely important in relationships; unfortunately, many people do not have good communication skills. It is often hard to express our feelings, needs, and desires to our partner. When we disclose personal information, we are putting ourselves in a vulnerable position and we risk rejection. It is also difficult to talk about sexual matters because most of us are taught as children that sex is a taboo topic. Many people get uncomfortable at the mere mention of sex and most people lack a comfortable sexual vocabulary. It is normal to have some concerns and problems with communicating effectively with a close partner. However, it is very important for couples to practice and learn good communication skills, since ineffective communication can significantly decrease satisfaction in a relationship.
Destructive Communication Habits
There are a few destructive communication habits that couples should try to avoid. These include behaviors such as being defensive, withdrawing, criticizing, and intentionally insulting your partner. Defensiveness consists of making excuses for your actions rather than being willing to discuss the problems your actions cause for others. Withdrawing is also common when a person ignores their partner's feelings by walking away or refusing to talk about problems. Criticism puts all the blame on the other person and can be overdone by using too many �you� statements, such as �you never do this� or "you always think you�re right". Words like �always� and �never� are especially hurtful to use because they are so extreme and criticize the person�s whole personality and all their actions rather than focusing on the exact problem or situation that bothers you. Sometimes, when couples are upset with each other, they say things that intentionally hurt the other person, things that aren�t necessary. Such insults are very destructive. All these actions take away from good communicating and create negative emotions that undermine the love in a relationship.
Good
Communication Habits
So what are the best habits to have when communicating? Honesty is the best policy. If you are always honest, your partner will learn that you are a person of your words and a person who can be trusted. Trust isn�t something that just happens, trust is formed over time through honest interactions with another person. One technique you can use to build trust is self-disclosure, which involves telling another person intimate things about yourself. Through disclosing personal information and getting to know each other better, two people can learn to trust each other and grow closer as a couple. As some studies have shown, couples that disclose more about themselves have more satisfying relationships. If you are having trouble getting your partner to talk about his/herself, you can set a good example by sharing something about yourself. Once you start self-disclosing and sharing your own personal stories, your partner will be more likely to follow in your footsteps.
To keep your relationship headed in
a positive direction, it is important to give compliments and focus on
the positive qualities of your partner.
Many times we only express ourselves when we have something
negative to say. But it is
essential that we recognize and talk about the positive as well as the
negative. Positive
reinforcements can help strengthen your relationship.
Studies have shown that we like people better when we associate
them with positive attention.
Positive statements can also help in the bedroom.
If you especially like a certain thing your partner does, say
something positive about it. For
example, you can say "I really like it when you do it like that",
or "It felt really good when you did it that way".
Your words can help your partner learn the sexual techniques you
like. An important study
found that couples who express five times more positive comments than
negative ones, that is, five positive comments for every one negative
comment, were happier and more satisfied.
So positive statements really do make a difference.