If you ever come across people who have been victims of sexual assault, there are several things you can do that can help them a great deal.
- Believe them.
- Tell them the assault was not their fault.
- Encourage them to make their own decisions and then support those decisions. Do not tell them what to do.
- Ask them if they want to talk, and then take the time to listen.
- Invite them to concerts, activities, dinner, places in nature.
- Ask how they are doing; offer hugs.
- Allow them to cry without telling them to stop or calm down.
- Offer to help find resources and information. Offer to accompany to appointments with rape counselors, the police, or local hospitals.
- In cases of an attempted rape, do not say "at least you didn't get raped." Any kind of unwanted sexual contact is a violation.
- Do not tell them to forget about it and move on. People must heal in their own way, at their own pace.
- Allow them to tell you what they want you to know. Do not ask for details if they do not volunteer to. If they do not want to talk about it with you, encourage them to talk with someone else.
- Show kindness and affection in ways that are appropriate and comfortable for them.
- Do not ask why they did or did not do certain things.
- Read books and articles to learn more. Talk to assault advocates at rape crisis centers, women's centers, and elsewhere. Advocates are available to support significant others, friends and family members as well as survivors.
- Reassure them that you still love them.
- Take care of yourself. When you are close to someone who has been assaulted, it is natural for you to go through a similar kind of psychological trauma. You may also feel pain, guilt, shame and powerlessness. You may become angry. You must take care of yourself and find healthy ways to deal with your feelings in order to support the survivor.
Based on work done by Sabina White, Lecturer, Department of Sociology Director, Health Education Department, University of California, Santa Barbara